My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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