So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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