dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
