I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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