How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize