he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
