dude i'm inner monologue high
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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