I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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