It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
