doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize