I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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