It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
