I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize