paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just forgot I was standing up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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