I think I am morally bankrupt
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
