i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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