I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
