i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
