Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
