the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
