my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
