My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
