how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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