My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
