i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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