First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
