I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
