no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
