I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
