I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
