did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize