I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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