don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
