i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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