Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
