I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
