this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
