I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
