And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
