I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
