Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
