drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
