i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
