Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize