No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
