Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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