I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
