Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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