i would punch a child for taco bell
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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