Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
