This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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