im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
