are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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