that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
