Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize