I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
