Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
