party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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