I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
