no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
