just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's never too late to be topless.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
