Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
