I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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