Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
