when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sober January is a disaster.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
