so explain again why im purple
no
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
