It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
