Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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