I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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