when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
