so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
