Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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