some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
