I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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