I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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