margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
